Update

So, I don't even know why I'm writing any kind of update right now... probably because I'm trying to kill time at work, occupy the last hour+ that I need to coast through in order to end my week. My thoughts and writings will probably be incoherent.. disconnected at the very least. I am exhausted, again, from going out both Wednesday night and Thursday night (Wednesday I didn't have any say though of course).

Things in my life are pretty much the same as they've been I suppose. Work is definitely the same, I'm still single, don't get enough sleep, etc etc. But... I do have a love interest that I thought I was getting somewhere with. Right now I'm not so sure about that though.

There's a bartender at Kazmos that works during the day, so I have slowly gotten to know her with the hour or whatever of overlap there is between the day shift and night shift for Wednesdays when I do my night there. About a month ago, if not a little over that, I gave her my number and told her to give me a ring sometime. After she didn't call for a couple of weeks, I gave her my myspace. She didn't add me so last Sunday I went down there to say hello and hang out and was giving her a hard time about not adding me... so she gave me her number. I was pretty surprised... but we texted a bit that day while we both were there, flirting with cheesey pickup lines. Didn't really communicate again until Monday night when she texted me to see if I was coming down for her beer pong night. My dad and I had just gotten done with an entire day of fishing so I told her it was highly unlikely, but I'd try to swing by.

When I got home from my dad's it was already after 10:30 and I was tired as hell (evidenced by the fact that I fell asleep on my couch about 15 minutes after I got home). But before I fell asleep I sent her a text letting her know I couldn't make it and hoped the night goes well. I didn't hear anything back. Then Tuesday evening I sent her another text asking how the night went, didn't get a reply. Well, Wednesday I went down there early (normally I don't get there until about 7:45 or so since our night starts at 8) but she was evidently sick... this really bummed me out because she is interested in an internship at my work and I had gotten the info she needed for it and wanted to chat with her about it. So I sent her a text sayin "you're killin me babe. i came down here early to talk to you about the internship but you're not here. i need your email address so i can send you some paperwork. they're in the selection process right now." I never heard back.

So, yesterday afternoon I decided I'd try calling her, but got her voicemail and haven't received a return call. I'm not real sure what to think... maybe she's deathly ill... maybe she regrets giving me her number... or maybe she's pissed because I didn't come down for beer pong, who knows. Silly women and the games they play.

Speaking of silly women, I was a silly man last night and kind of made a little bit of mistake. I wasn't going to go out last night but my friend Ceren (pronounced Jare-inn) asked me to go. I actually turned her down and only decided to go later because my friend Graeme was going to be celebrating his birthday at the same club. I can't say no to a friend on their birthday if I can help it... even if I was completey exhausted from only getting 3 hours of sleep Wednesday night.

So I do some split time  between hanging out with Graeme, hanging out with Ceren, and making stops in at a little party in VIP that my DJ buddy was having. I had a little too much to drink (thanks to 3x shots of fooking Crown...) and Ceren and I always flirt a lot... even though she's got a boyfriend. There's always been some sexual tension between the two of us... well, last night it came to a bit of a head. We were gettin kinda flirty and she was like... we need some privacy (we were waiting for her friends to come out of the bathroom)... and dragged me off to the opposite side of the club. We ended up making out... for awhile too. It was pretty good... but the whole time I was kicking myself inside cuz I've always told myself I'd never be "that guy." I still feel guilty about it... not sure what to do about it, and I'm nervous about running into Ceren again soon... although she leaves for SF tonight and I'm not sure when she gets back to town.

Should I feel bad about what happened? I mean, I was flirty and stuff but I always drew the line and usually avoided any escalation if possible. But when she said let's go somewhere more private, I just couldn't say no. Plus it's not like we did the nasty or anything... but I know if I were her BF I'd probably be REALLY upset if I found out she did something like what she did with me. It's definitely a dilemma and I don't feel comfortable being in this situation.